Last semester I had been put through a lot. I lost many dear
to me from death and I lost great relationships with people. In my mind,
everything was just fine if I stayed with a very small number of people as
support. But I should’ve known better. It is like I’m setting myself up to fail
some days. You need more support than that. But how can you honestly know in
the heat of the moment? What I want to comment on right now is love. Not like
lovey dovey we are to marry kind of love, I mean actual love that is for
others. To define love you would say to will the good for the other. God wants
love for us, to love and to be loved. But when you are told countless times
that you are loved, then feel excluded, betrayed, neglected, how can you know
what love truly is? I know that I have a hunger for attention. It is something
I’m trying to fix, but friends are supposed to understand that, shouldn’t they?
Love is patient; some days I don’t know if
patience really exists in most people. It takes a long while to learn patience
and to master it if that is even possible. We as humans have an uncanny ability
to snap at little things on particular days and it can become a chain reaction.
Love is kind; one of my favorite ways of seeing love. But when kindness is only
given when you are at a low, is it real or just to make you feel better. No
matter the day or person, everyone deserves kindness every second of every day.
Love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude, one of the hardest ones to
follow. We have a knack for revenge, or vengeful thoughts, and we act on them
some days. Mercy can be a breath of fresh air some times, and others it can be
the hardest thing you ever do. Forgiveness is one thing we always want to know
we have from someone, but we rarely hear someone say they forgive us. Being pardoned
of past faulty events can change a person’s life around. So why is it so hard
to give it to them? Because not only does that one asking for forgiveness have
to swallow their pride, but so does the one giving it. I recently was
apologized too, and when I told the person I couldn’t forgive them because of
how much of what they did affected me and that I most like couldn’t forgive him,
I felt horrible. Later on I told them I forgive them, and it brought me so much
joy. Love does not insist on its own way. We have all heard or said “it’s my
way or the highway,” and what an expression it is. To say to someone, if you do
not do exactly what I want you to do, then you don’t love me. When you want the
best for someone, it won’t go exactly how you want it to. And it is something
you need to understand. Life isn’t easy, and it isn’t in your control, so why
try and make people do only what you want? Everyone has their flaws and they
will always disappoint you if you have unrealistic expectations for them. We
need to accept people for who they are and who they are meant to be. You don’t
have to promote really bad flaws, like excessive drinking or cursing like a
sailor, but you don’t forget them completely either.
Love
will always be put through trails, endure hardship, and could be stretched. How
could life not have moments like this? We will all have evils. But the good we
will achieve from the evil is more than the good we would receive without it,
because the evil makes us realize how much the love we have for others is
important. But more of our love of God.
One way
I have realized to show my true love for someone is by trusting them. I have
trust issues because of my past and it is hard for me to trust someone completely,
I have joined a household on campus called Daughters of Divine Mercy which has
the charisms of Trust and Redemptive suffering. I have come to trust these
beautiful women of God with my heart and I have not been let down. Through the
struggles of last semester, they have always been there for me. Now in this new
semester, I’ve come to expand that trust to others. But most of all, I’m
trusting more in God and what He is doing with my life. I came up with a new
little prayer for daily use:
“Oh Lord,
On this day let my trust grow.
Let your reasons be known,
Let your joy be shown
On this day let my trust grow.
Let your reasons be known,
Let your joy be shown
And let me shine with your
Spirit
Amen.”
Amen.”